So today i was talking to my friend and she commented on my blog. Her reasoning was that i write too much about suicide. I think its a very normal thought to think about killing yourself. But what's weird is that everytime i thought of suicide its never over anything big, it's always little things. Like if my girlfriend broke up with me i'd be devastated. I'd be crying, lying in the fetal position for like 3 days, but on the 4th day i'd probably play some xbox and go on with my life... you know, join a gym and lie to myself that i'd get a six pack and so on. But little things get to me. i thought about killing myself last year during my friends birthday, why? coz i said i was going to make a pie. My roomate came up to me while i was watching soccer and started talking about how excited she was about her boyfriends birthday and kept talking about how she will plan a party and bake a cake, but then she asked me what i would do for it. and at the time i thought all i had to do is behave and not talk about rubber ducks in front of her boyfriends parents so i panicked and said i would make a pie. But i dunno how to make a pie, i just said that to make her go away. Which worked she went away all excited and i totally forgot about it. 2 weeks later she woke up all excited and asked me about the pie. And i started thinking bout all i have to do, go to the grocery store, buy some flour etc. and then i started thinking "what if i just go up to the roof of the house and jump onto the sharp spiky fence and just die? Then i wouldn't have to make the pie." So it's not even like i'm suicidal, its more of i'm just lazy. Like whenever I know the next 4 hours of my life will suck, I think about suicide. Like if I have to pay my electricity bill and there's a long queue I always look outside to see if there's a bus coming that I can jump in front of.
Moral of the story: Don't be lazy, be suicidal. It sounds fancier.